I was recently having one of those rare parenting moments when everything is calm and steady. Each of the boyz was doing their thing – in school and work-and seemed to be on a good path for that week… that day… that moment. It occurred to me that I felt just like I used to at the end of a long day with little ones. You know those days….think tantrums, runny noses, lots of ‘mooommmyyyy’, bickering siblings, spills and messes…you get that ‘oh so happy’ picture 😉
Three very unsettled babes erupting!!!
Well remember the nighttime to those days? If we were lucky we may have had 3 sleeping children, a (somewhat) picked up house and a few moments of peaceful calm before we took to our beds (assuming we could make it there before falling asleep on the couch :)) Well those moments, when the kids were all tucked in felt so good…. so peaceful…
I remember feeling like all was well (finally!) and that all was right with the world knowing nothing disastrous or life changing happened, that the kids who were driving me nuts only a few hours ago, were now my little angels sleeping so adorably snuggled under the covers with their stuffed animals. I suddenly felt like things would be ok, that I could handle life. The worries of the day were long forgotten and the bickering and messes a thing of the past.
These were clearly not the bickering days …I apparently was too busy enjoying my down time to photograph the boyz while they were sleeping once they were beyond baby stage. Very sad as I would now LOVE to see a picture of them as toddlers sleeping ❤ These little bumpers had to be used once the boyz started disturbing each other in their sleep (think scratches from sharp baby nails 😦 )…
So recently when I had a moment of appreciating that each of the boyz was doing ok – I just remembered that ‘all tucked in’ feeling. I felt that same sensation through my body – my nervous system slows down, trust that things will be OK starts to re-emerge and it brought back that awareness so well.
Of course there are still many moments that feel like we are in the middle of a tantrum…when things are not going so swimmingly and the stress is high, cortisol is running through my body and I lose that confidence in my ability to handle life. But thankfully change is a constant -and if I can remember that ‘this too shall pass’, then I can move through the stress with the awareness that another ‘all tucked in’ moment is coming soon.
And we surely know that those ‘all tucked in’ moments absolutely feed the love!
New Year’s resolutions are a strange thing. Why do we pick this one day to focus on how we want to improve ourselves and our lives? It can feel like a lot of pressure and yet at the same time, it is a natural time to reflect on the past year and to set intentions for what we want the next year to be like.
The stillness of winter gives us time and space for reflection for the New Year…
This makes me think….
*What I want the next year to bring...I need to bring to the next year
*My most significant intentions are really always around the person I want to BE.…and BEING is the key to that…not DOING.
*What I want to achieve or be is not a mega-goal requiring valiant efforts and tremendous time commitments…it merely requires taking small steps each day to be more and more that person I envision…the person I am meant to become.
We have it all within us to create the life we want. Yet knowing this, wholeheartedly believing this…I still have many things in my life that I want to change. A big piece of this work is owning our own power in our lives, accepting our own stories – the victories and the struggles – and acknowledging that every piece of that story was crucial to helping us find who we are here to become. We are ever evolving, even when we feel stuck. Each step is a step we need to be with and is an important ingredient in this journey.
We are not just the ‘finished loaf of banana bread’…we are each ingredient as it is added. Yet some ingredients on their own do not taste so good. This past year transitioning from mom to kids at home to college mom to boy comes back home mom… has not tasted so good much of the time. Yet I know deep in my heart that it will be ok. That the loaf will turn out and that the tiny teaspoon of baking powder, which tastes awful on it’s own, will ultimately help that loaf to rise and the yucky brown overripe bananas which I would not think of eating on their own will create a delicious, yummy, sweet bread.
Why is change so difficult?
Why is change so difficult?Maybe it is because we are leaving behind an important part of ourselves…
A part that was integral to us getting to this place where we can even identify the change that is needed…
A part that needs to be acknowledged, felt and grieved before it can transition to this new change.
Steve and I spend time reflecting on 2019 and talking about 2020. So I have intentions for the next year regarding my personal relationships, work, health, finances, house clean out/projects….but the most important intention is to be consistently aware of my own inner wisdom and to make space to listen to that, knowing all of the answers are already within.
Listening to that voice ALWAYS feeds the love ❤