Have you seen the optical illusions that are photos which you may see as 2 very different images depending upon how you look at it? The vase or 2 faces…the bunny or the duck…you get the idea. Well I recently heard someone use this analogy (sorry but I cannot remember who – it was on a podcast) for our lives. This morning, as I was having a little obsession session about the things I wish I did differently as a mom, I talked with Steve about my sadness and regret. In his usual positive manner, he told me all the reasons he thinks differently – the things we did well, that we definitely made mistakes but overall the boyz seem to be thriving, happy, respectful young adults.
Sometimes I just want to be able to go back to these days and start over so I can skip all the mistakes I made….but I realize I would just make other ones instead:(
I will admit, part of me wanted to yell – “but you don’t get I see so clearly how I screwed up…it is so clear that at times they needed one thing and I gave them another…that I should have done_____, that I should not have done______’…that is the curse of being hyperaware of psychology and the human spirit. This analogy then came back to me though and helped me to hear what Steve was saying with a more open heart.
A reminder that the boyz were happy and generally had a good childhood 🙂
The idea is that both images are always there and we get to choose what we want to look at and focus on. It seems so simple, but often analogies and metaphors can help us shift more than words along because they use both words and images. So I recognized that while the mistakes are there and are real, so are the positive things I did as a mom. I can look at the mistakes so that I can choose a different way in the future, and then focus on the positive which will help me create more of that – since we create what we put our attention to. I guess it helped to know I do not need to prove that yes, I indeed did screw up. It is just there…but it is also OK.
Oh how I will miss these guys…
So I will allow the grief when it comes…but then let it slide and look at the picture of the boyz childhood thru that other perspective. The one that sees the brightness…..the one that feeds the love.