Rainbows and unicorns…an expression I have heard a lot lately. It has come to mind this past week as Seamus, Brendan and Casey won an award and scholarships. Many people have congratulated us and made many kind comments. While I want to be clear that I very much appreciate this, two things come up for me.
Brendan and Casey with the most amazing guidance counselor ever! Ms K nominated the boyz for this award
One – the feeling that it is all not as perfect as it may look. That the boyz are like any other teen with their trials and tribulations, that they need reminders to do things, still cannot wake up to their own alarm clocks, and even as they were handed awards, had some assignments that needed to be handed in. And I realize I am also projecting…when people comment, I worry they will think we do not have these struggles…but maybe it is me because I recognize that as I looked around the room at the other kids who were receiving the same award, I imagine they do everything they need to do without question …that they are all perfectionists with tons of internal motivation and drive…with incredible time management skills….that they do not struggle in any way that our boyz do. And maybe some of them are like that…but just maybe some need a push here and there, make mistakes, and are not as ‘perfect’ as they seem in my mind.
The group of honorees
Two – the quote under the picture in the paper said ‘Suzanne Tomb is not a proud mom’. I cringed when I read that but fortunately most have told me when you read the article, it is more clear what I meant. I have strong feelings about the word ‘proud’. While I feel OK if I am proud of myself for doing something challenging or accomplishing a task, or just being the kind of person I want to be, I do not feel OK saying I am proud of my kids. This feels oxymoronic because as I write that I think..but I am proud of them…but I guess it is more I am happy for them and excited for them. To say I am proud of them feels like I am taking some of the credit for their accomplishments and that does not feel fair. It is theirs and I want them to own it, not me.
Casey, Mr Moro (who all 3 reported as their favorite teacher) and Granddad (who is an inspiration to all and drove 6+ hours to attend this ceremony with them!) and Brendan
So I guess this is a lesson to myself. As a therapist I know there is no such thing as perfection. I know everyone has a story – whether that is something that makes it completely understandable why they do irrational things and their life looks chaotic or whether it is the personal struggles that lie behind what appears to be an otherwise perfectly put together life.
Casey is holding up Seamus’ picture since he was out in Utah at Junior Nationals and could not be at the event
So no it is not all rainbows and unicorns…but I will embrace the bright moments and the joy that comes with them. In doing so, I am feeding the love 🙂